Down the Rabbit-Hole Once More

It seems that I never learn my lesson. After six months of complete radio silence, the bastard had the nerve to text me back and act as if he hadn’t contacted me in six days. His sudden reappearance and confusion was very much a kindred spirit of Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s “Becoming Part 2“, minus the hell mouth and the dangerously pointy sword. The boyfriend that burned me, broke my heart, and left me to self-destruct re-surfaced about two weeks ago. What I wanted more than anything finally happened, so why don’t I feel better? I don’t feel worse, but I almost expected for it to bring me some kind of peace. It didn’t.

I’m convinced the reason is because he hurt me so badly and I spent the last six months realizing that he’s not the boyfriend I need, and this is my hearts way of saying you don’t want to be with him anymore – you want someone better for yourself. Honestly, since his return, it’s been more of the same – – “I’m sorry”…”I’ve been busy”…”I am going through a tough time…”

All the same excuses. I am tired of them! I don’t ever want to hear anyone say “I’m sorry” to me ever again! It’s tiring, texting him, or attempting to engage in conversation. I refuse to love a ghost forever. Clearly, he has some major commitment and trust issues. I’ve essentially lost interest, but my heart still has hope he will change when he realizes what he’s losing. However, my brain keeps reminding me that he had AMPLE time to reach out to me, especially considering how often I tried to text him in January. So, why now? Why not six months ago? Also, who is the man in that photo?! 99.99999% of me is sure that it’s him. He claims it’s not. I don’t trust his word at all. I just wish I didn’t still love him. It would be easier to hate him.

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